i am a salty dog.

so i spent the majority of my day today at the DMV. that always makes for a fun wednesday. it all began last night when jon and i went to best buy to buy our new t.v.

as we were driving i could hear the "tick..tick..tick.." of something stuck in one of my tires. for some reason i abhor that sound. jon did a quick recon and found a nail stuck in my tire. i was like, "is it perpendicular or parallel to the tire?" and he's like "oh, it's in there." somehow this nail found its way between the gigantic tread of truck tire and inserted itself straight into my tire. when we got to best buy he tried to pull it out which immediately prompted the hissing sound of deflating tire and me shouting "put it back in, put it back in!" the sound continued in the parking lot, but seemed to stop when we got home.

this morning when i woke up i prayed to all that is holy that i didn't have a flat tire. there's one of those "just tires" stores right around the corner from my house which is funny because they do a lot more than "just tires" but whatever.

luckily there wasn't a flat tire but oh look! a ticket. i got a ticket for having expired plates. yes, thank you, i'd love to go to the dmv today. so after the $27 to repair the hole in my tire (not bad) i cruised up to the dmv to get my registration. i stopped at the jewel because lord knows government institutions are so medieval that they don't accept any form of plastic. only checks or cash. so i bought a bottle of water, got some cash back, and went on my merry way.

turns out my plates were expired too long so i had to apply for new plates. there was a sign that they do accept discover card with a $2.00 "convenience" fee so i thought i was home free. i gave my application to the desk girl and she kindly gave me a peppermint patty. not that i particularly enjoy them, but if someone does something kind like give you candy at the dmv you damn well better enjoy that shit because it will never happen again. we both agreed that eating the peppermint patty just made us want a klondike bar. she was also nice enough to offer me different plates because apparently having b-truck plates is an open invitation to parking tickets. i've seen a couple of those in my time and obviously would like to avoid them. i chose the pet friendly plates because the extra money goes to a good cause.

given that i was only planning on the $78 for renewal, i only had $100 cash in my wallet. "i'll just use my discover card". nope. sorry. i guess the sign out front was a damn lie. only cash and checks. i went to the atm that was across the street and conveniently out of cash. i got back in my car and drove the 2 miles back to the jewel where i got another bottle of water and another $100 cash. i drove back to the dmv after listening to the toilet flushing sound the machine made as it dispensed my cash.

i passed a convenience store and picked up a klondike bar for the girl at the counter. i gave it to her and her co-worker says as i walk away "why don't i get one of those?!" i headed to the back, got my new temp plates and decided to get my city sticker.

now, i've only heard horror stories about these chicago city stickers. but it was either register my truck in the city or get a new license. i decided to just suck it up and get the sticker because it would be less hassle. last i remembered when we moved they were only $75 or so which isn't that big of a deal. oh no. apprarently the city hates pick up trucks so my city sticker was $150. yes $150. not to mention when i asked about the fees the girl asked me what kind of car i had. i told her it was a pick up and she asked what kind. i told her it was a jeep. she snidely responded "well is it a jeep or a pickup because it makes a difference in the amount of the sticker." now i understand that city workers get a lot of flak and my particular truck is slightly rare but i did not approve of the attitude. i said, "it happens to be a jeep pick up truck so do i fall into some sort of loop hole or can you tell me a price?"

oh yeah, when i went to get my emissions testing they told me i had no back brakes. so we'll have to see how much that's going to cost me. i'm just going to bend over right now because fighting it will just make it hurt more.