ok, so i was a weird child when i was young. i spent a lot of time alone because no one lived in my neighborhood and my sister is 6 years older than i am. she was all about going to the beach to make out with guys while i was like "whatever could she-ra and he-man be doing in my closet while no one is around!"

so please keep that in mind while you're reading my next statement.

i used to hoard food in my room at night. i think it all started when my sister and i figured out how to make fudge but we knew my mom would kill us if she found out because boiling chocolate down could cause a fire. this of course was said for the same reason she called us during heavy storms and told us to open the windows a crack so the house doesn't explode in the event of a tornado. lord knows what two young bored girls will do in the house alone. so from then on we hid all the fudge, the elephant ears (deep frying causes grease fires), and homemade candles (candles-fire)in my room.

now i would usually wake up in the middle of the night, unable to sleep, and sneak into the fridge to eat yogurt or cheese or something. literally i would take the can of green cheese (parmesan cheese in a green can) and pour it into my mouth. so instead of sneaking to the fridge, i started hiding food in my room so the monsters at the end of the hall couldn't get me on my way to the fridge.

after eating fudge and elephant ears you tend to wake up with quite the belly ache so i got wise and started hiding oranges, apples, and uncooked pasta in my room. don't ask me why i chose pasta. i think it's because my old neighbor, kelly, and i used to cook spaghetti noodles in the microwave and think that they tasted like pretzels. and of course when you're a kid, the only logical conclusion is that they make pretzels by cooking spaghetti noodles in the microwave.

now sometimes, i would completely forget all about my hamster stash. imagine an orange sitting under your bed for a couple of weeks and you get the picture. my sister eventually caught me emptying out my winter reserves and promptly told my mom what i was doing and thus ended my food stashing experience. being the vindictive little thing that i was, my only retribution was telling my mom that my sister had been making fudge and hiding it in my room.